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Old 06-26-2010, 08:56 PM
KarmaChameleon KarmaChameleon is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 58
Default The adventures of K and S

I've always enjoyed writing and I noticed that the story section is pretty blank. I can't promise regular updates, but if people enjoy this then I'll be sure to write more.

A Dark Elf Named K
K stumbled into town. “What ever that peddler told me about these mushrooms definitely wasn’t true,” he muttered. Three years ago he had a dragon to ride, a epic cup of giganticness, and enough gold to fund a third world fiefdom. Today, he had a pouch of dried fruit, a bag full of “magic mushrooms” and a small satchel of personal possessions.

“I told you that testing them out on yourself was a bad idea,” yelled a piping voice. K looked over at his shoulder at the miniature nymphomaniac.

“Sexxica, the man told me that they would make me happy. Who was I to doubt a half-naked raving prophet?”

“I’m still not happy that you gave away our last 10 gold pieces just for that bag.”

“Our gold pieces S? You’re just with me until you can find a cure for your tiny problem,” he said giggling. The mushrooms hadn’t cured his headache, but they had definitely made him wittier.

He had discovered the tiny beast when he was slogging his way through Nevermoor. He had had to take the detour to avoid the unpleasant result of a situation involving a mob, a panda, and a golden truffle. After passing out from exhaustion he awoke to find the nympho attempting to undo his belt. After picking her off of him he grumpily tossed her in his pouch. After letting her out 3 hours later however she showed no signs of leaving him alone.
“How did you get to be that size anyways?”

Poised to answer, the two were surprised by a tiny gnome wearing a blue robe. “You should hid S, no telling how the townsfolk would take to you…. and stop humping my shoulder.”

“What be you wanting here, ye scruffy looking vagabond?” the little gnome questioned of him.

“Well… I be… wanting yon…. hunting of the treasure… with the swashbuckling… and the... maiden…. ravaging?”

“Lad, be ye touched in the head?” the gnome asked him?

Suddenly a light flared on in the nearby guardhouse blinding both of them. “What is going out on here?” boomed a loud voice.

“This young ragamuffin was speaking off all manners of ill deeds captain!” crowed the gnome.

“Shortstack, calm down.” A human the size of a small tree lumbered out of the guard tower and looked over K with a surreptitious glance. “He looks innocent enough?”

“On my honor sir, I verily say unto the… um…” K struggled.

“Please lad, only Shortstack talks that way.” The guard captain looked over the questionable dark elf. “But he does have a point. You do look at bit questionable.”

Currently K was dressed in a tunic two sizes too large for him, with potato sacks for shoes and pants made entirely out of leaves. Originally he wore the tunic long, but after he had passed through the gusty valley, it seemed a better idea to add on some bottoms.

“Yes sir… I’ve had some bad luck as of late.”

The captain gave him another once over as Shortstack glared up at him menacingly. “Well lad, what is your name?”

“People call me K sir.”

“K is it? Well then, K, how would you like a job?”

“Captain, I say unto thee NO! How could you entrust the safety of our town to this… this….”

“Vagrant?” K offered helpfully.

“Thank ye son… vagrant sir!”

“Shortstack, I am your captain. Do you know why I’m the captain?”

The gnome looked puzzled for a moment, but then spat out an answer. “Because you be the most skilled man in all the town captain sir!”

“Shortstack, I am the captain because I am the only man who volunteered for the job. I work 150 hour work weeks. Realistically speaking I should be dead by now. In fact, you yourself are not a member of the guard, but I simply can’t get rid of you.”

“Understood sir.”

“K, you look questionable to say the least. You smell like my mother’s feet and you I would never trust you within half a league to the keys to my daughters’ chastity belts. But you have the job.”

“Why… thank you sir,” K managed to stammer out. In truth the mushrooms were having a profound effect on him and he was having trouble paying 100% attention to the captain especially with the dancing yeti right behind him. For some reason, both Shortstack and the Captain were paying no heed to the tapdancing mound of fur, so he decided to play along so as not to seem strange.

“But captain! What if this…”

“Guttersnipe?” K suggested

“Yes bless ye boy. What if this guttersnipe imputes the honor of our fair town?”

The captain stroked his mustache in thought. “I suppose then I would have to rip off his arms and beat him with them.”

K gulped. “You won’t have to worry about me sir. I’ll be on my best behavior.”

The captain smiled. “Good to hear son. The job doesn’t pay much, but you’ll get free room and board at the tavern. I am turning in for my first full night of sleep in 3 years and I will see you in the morning.”

As the captain began to saunter off K had a sudden thought. “What if someone attacks the town? What sort of weapons do I have?”

The captain burst out laughing. “You know, I’ve never thought of that before. I’ve always just used people as clubs to bludgeon other people. Shortstack will show you to our limited armory.” Still chucking under his breath he left K standing there with a quite possible deranged gnome and a miniature nymphomaniac that was at point in time tweaking his nipple.

Last edited by KarmaChameleon; 06-26-2010 at 08:57 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to KarmaChameleon For This Useful Post:
Mc Danus (05-05-2012)

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